Wishes

*** 

Wish you could see me now

30 years bold and growing old

Been everywhere and in between

Any place ‘cept where you’d be.

Wish you could see me now

But could you see me then?

We were young, man, we were kids

Don’t understand that sins don’t end

Three years gone and growing strong

Built houses that I’d never dreamed of

Just more twirls round this wash’n machine

More chores to go, it never slows.

Wish you could see me now

Living life and I’m awful proud

Of who I am, who I bet you are

And who the hell we’re going to be.

Still wish you happy birthday

And happy new year too

Still calling you my best friend

And best man, too.

Wish you could see me now

But wishes are only dreams

You’ll never see

Been everywhere and in between

Any place ‘cept where you’d be.

***

What do you call an alligator that wears vests?

 ***

all of the ones i pick

are unique

one has a heart on it

the other, a club tail

so i can always spot it

You have to pick

just a few

to focus on

this is the osteoderm

it means bone skin

if you cut it off

it has age rings

like a tree

***

Being seen

Scientists have shown

that the very act

of being perceived

changes cells, that is,

that being seen

changes everything,

and sometimes I feel like Julia Roberts

hiding from the cameras, lying in bed,

naked with Hugh Grant and quoting Rita Hayworth: 

“They went to bed with Gilda,

And woke up with me.” 

The priest told the wedding guests

that in his dialect

the word for love meant

to look one in the eyes

so I asked a guest,

where he was from

And she said “Africa,” 

as if that explained everything,

And I wondered if he felt sadness

about not ever having looked 

someone in the eyes, 

or never having someone 

look into his.

The best compliment 

anyone has ever given me:  

“I feel so seen,” she said, giggling,

And my friend who caught me in bed

with a full rotisserie chicken on my birthday

And pulled me out to jump a fence

cutting her knees so that I could see

the night sky, the way it was

supposed to be.

The one, like a flower,

who took time to open up

but once she did, well…

she did not say what, 

but I knew what she meant, 

I could see it.

Queen of Discs

 *** 

snapshots of 

fish globe faces and

Kyoto dreams, and

the dancing bear

i didn't show you

because I am shy

(even if you don't believe me)

and thought

i had already shown you too much

bar menus make

the perfect bookmarks

we drank whiskey

me trading four roses

for bottom shelf

heaven

but you ordered up, you

knew the good stuff, you

didn't have to be taught it

hanging out under

hanging plants

you blushed

when asked about

yourself

surprised, even after

I told you I was searching

for spaces with faces

but you said you liked

tour guides

and when we talked about

the places we wanted to be

i noticed neither of us mentioned

happy

you looked away from me

when you said you didn't like 

to think too much about yourself.

i have a GPS, who doesn't these days,

but you circled the block anyway

when that traffic light separated us

which i thought was sweet, and when

we arrived at Honky Tonk Tuesdays

you hit the ATM, "every little bit helps

put him in the ground," 

and the emcee mentioned

his union buddies were all dead

as we sipped on $2 PBRs,

and danced.

i told you i had no rhythm

but that i used to sing, and you,

who used to read, both

getting harder, these days

and tarot was like art,

it doesn't promise a future, it just

makes you think of everything

in a new way.

the first time i met you

i told you i took one Addie a day

a silly line, my cousin had put me up to, 

and when somebody asked

if it was

the instant hit

or the extended dose

i looked you in the eyes

and said i'd take the short kick

but wanted the longer thing

if given

the chance.

you said you didn't like 

to think too much about yourself

which felt ironic

as i overslept my welcome,

awake all night because

you were all i could think about.

***

the loneliest number

*** 

what they don't tell you

about weddings and pre-nups:

not everything can be split

equally.

basic equations

suddenly confound

four divided by two

becomes zero in

dining room chairs

matching quilts

tea cup sets

and other things

meant to entertain.

i met a girl

who saw that equation

and left

everything

knowing that one is

less lonely than two

divided

inequally.

***

self care

 ***

i forgot

that flowers needed

water, as i sat

at my desk for

eight, ten, fifteen, hours 

within reach.

i could

tip the faucet back

and fill a cup

to give the orchid

the relief

it seeks.

that orchid

whose vine i never figured

whether to cut

those plants

i loved and which

needed sunlight, that i

forgot, as I sat

at my desk for eight,

ten, fifteen, hours,

within reach.

yet unable to lift my hand

to save them.

***

mornings i dreamt of

 

what a beautiful day

you said, as we

sat by the poplar trees 

under the cicada hum

what a beautiful day

they say, and for once 

there is nothing

bitter in this black

coffee that i drink

esoteric song lyric

 ***

i never knew you in the fall

we had the spring

and that was all

***

Tumble dry

 i am an imperfect

vessel for your love

let it spill over

and form puddles at

the edges

where toes become cold

on vinyl floors

trying to wash what 

can be washed

but never fully dried

wring me out 

a few more times

***