***
darling, i am sorry
i have been reckless with myself
it started as a child
contemplating that sea of
sorrow and poem
of death
closing my eyes and seeing
ever receding
darkness
i told myself that the odds were against
the ten of us
and if one had to go
let it be me
what i mistook for generosity
really just a flighty heart
so eager to run, even if it meant
off the ends of a flat earth
for if I am honest
i've never taken good care
of myself
and other things
on loan
and so i rented myself
for far less than silver
made tunes with the devil
to save my soul
said foolish things
that i would die young
that it had ever felt so
that i would take the money
and live to 50
rather than live fully
poor
survivor's guilt paving my steps
the blank page ever on my mind
knowing it must be filled
one way, or another
with me, or my brother
darling, i am sorry
i have been reckless with myself
and now repeating myself
i don't know how many words
i have left to give
on one of those nights
i imagined you coming to me
in dreams like Athena
waking up, refreshed and alone
having wrapped my skin
in a mannequin
and left me to admire
the moonlight again
and in the days
i imagined you
as photokeratitis
the sun-blind spot
the sun-blind spot
of my mind
darling, i am sorry
i have been reckless with myself
and find myself debating Meg Ryan again
as i did one St. Augustine summer
that lesson in loneliness
the fiery shadow of a girl i had never met
oh, how I wish you would
if only
darling, i am sorry
i have been reckless with myself
in the face of that turbid ebb and flow
the pebbles scattered at my feet
the Aegean in my bones
begin, and cease, and then again begin
the note of eternal sadness
and Jim Croce on the radio
who died when he was just 30
the day before the airwaves heard
him sing
I've got a name
And I carry it with me like my daddy did
but I'm living the dream that he kept hid
flying toward that dream
clipped by a pecan tree
I've got a name
And I carry it with me like my daddy did
but I'm living the dream that he kept hid
flying toward that dream
clipped by a pecan tree
darling, i am sorry
i have been reckless with my self
but there never seems
to be enough time
to do the things
you want to do
once you find them
and i've looked around
enough to know
that you're the one
i want to go
through time with
***
