Everything, Everywhere, All At Once

 ***

"i've never seen such stupid shit,"

you said as we walked out

but i knew you'd felt it too when, as i began writing this,

you asked me to play "This is a life"

this is a life, free from destiny

not only what we sow, not only what we show

this is a life 

(every possibility)

free from destiny

(I choose you, and you choose me)

Not only what we sow

(Every space and every time)

Not only what we show

(That we know)

You see, i understand now,

at least, enough, to know this

you are a fighter

and you are living a version 

of yourself

to get through every tragedy

too many, tragedies

that you are reliving now

everything

everywhere

all at once

And so, for now, when I say "I love you,"

All you can say is a flat "thank you"

And that is OK.

Because I am a fighter too

And what appears as weakness is my strength

My power is my faith

that after all of this,

somewhere, somehow, there is a universe

Where you and I stand

Hand in hand,

And look into each other's eyes

That somehow, somewhere, in your universe

there is the girl

who once told me that no matter what happened

she still had to believe

that most people were good.

I was put here to show you

(Every possibility)

I was put here to tell you

(I choose you, and you choose me)

That there is a universe

(Every space and every time)

You, and I, and him.

(That we know)

And I will never let it go.

***

Every Rose

this is not a good poem in any way, shape or form (especially form) ... just posting for memory's sake.

***

when i played you

that Poison song

and it seemed perfect

back before I knew

exactly how fitting it was

and your name came up as wild

Rose, though you say, just,

Rose.

i wondered the truth

as we stayed up, all night, singing songs

on the call until 4 am 

drunk off your smile, white, and glistening,

perfect as your makeup which you

carefully applied

each time, i saw you.

Rose.

And when i played it in the daylight

i could hear your pain

"prickly, prickly thorns"

and, later, i sent you my favorite scene

"La Vie En Rose"

we had to watch out

to make sure we didn't fall in love

with our suffering.

later, i told you

that we're taught to hate thorns

but that all beautiful things have them

that thorns are there to protect

and beautiful things need protecting

more than most

i told you about my beautiful mother

and how it made her a target

and you told me 

you didn't want the world to see you

i realize now

we were singing again

so i said you could hide beside me

maybe for a while

and i wouldn't tell 'em your name.

i was low-key obsessed with names

the books i had read, as a kid

the mythology, and i told you

that to know someone's true name

was to hold magic in your hand.

until the singing stopped,

and you asked, as quiet as a promise:

"What's my true name, Nick?"

and i replied, as foolish as a footnote,

"i hope i get the chance to find out, darling."

***