Friday, December 15, 2017

The Critical Conjunction of With

--- 

the soft crash of the shore
trucks parked and dirt paths
mountains made of molehills
and a summer that lasts

can you imagine it?
hundreds, maybe thousands
of Hawaiians trekking to this place
a sacred space
having heard about the beach
with green sand
hoping they will find something
they had forgotten
or never knew
in this life.

that's what magic does
it reminds us

and driving down Big Island
you saw the sign "Big Band Dancing"
and i asked who was doing the dancing?
the band, or the people?
and you laughed and said
they had forgotten the critical conjunction
of with

black beaches that i said
King Kamehameha once walked upon
to gain strength upon his journey, 
and courage
what was a bit more mythology for
a man made of it?

i stole sand because
it was in my nature to take
and you scolded me because
it was in your nature
to save.

past cocoa flowers that take five years
then produce indefinitely
green, then yellow, then black
some red and some orange
cooked in their own juice and sweet
tastes like lychee, smells like vinegar

the purple part has no taste, is bitter
turns black
it is good for you.

a horn sounds off in an abandoned sugar mill
and he says "that's the quitting bell
you can go home
now."

the sun setting on Mauna Kea
everything that fades into 
the sun-blind spot of my heart
the stars that will soon be overhead
the brightest ones have already died and
me left holding the last burning ember
in my hands, the cigar butt lighting
my night. 

after surfing waves without surfers
and coral cuts and snorkels
and sleep, oh Oahu
Dean Martin singing On An Evening in Roma
and you, too, magic
that reminds me that i had forgotten
the critical conjunction
of with

---

Tuesday, December 5, 2017

Aloha

*** 

when aloha means hello
it's like the wind never blows
it's like the world never rows
it's like the freshest of snows

when aloha means hello
it's like the start of the dance
it's like the idea of France
it's like the striking of chance

when aloha means hello
it's like that first time you know

but when aloha means goodbye 
it's like seeing the lie
like remembering the time
like the dreaming that dies

when aloha means hello
it's like she'll never go

aloha aloha aloha alo-ha

*** 



Wednesday, November 29, 2017

An Indelible Mark


***

that moment when
the image in the mirror
ain't the image in your head
and left wondering
where it all went

***

Workplace Violence

*** 

already at my rope's end
throw me a root, throw me a twig
holding on to what i've got while i've got
never heard nothing i ain't forgot about

*** 

Friday, November 24, 2017

safety and security

***

nobody asks 
the shadow why
it feels free to walk
home at night

there are the hunters
and the hunted
and those of us who try
to stay out their way

***

Saturday, November 18, 2017

family values

***

la familia gathers
dressed Sunday best
down the street from
the most famous churches
of a city famous
for whites burning them 
drinking
cuban coffee, and listening
to latin dance music
barely after noon
shouting
to the Miami game
that plays by the corner bar
eating
the most traditional dish
the chef says, like 
turkey stuffing for Thanksgiving
which is next week
and my grandmother 
who may not be
next week
she waits for me 
in the city
too busy to hate


***

Saturday, November 11, 2017

the quiet life

--- 

i really live a quiet life
i tell myself that my dream
is to tell you about myself
self-expression
is the gate and the key
the reason and the rhyme

but in truth
i don't want to have to explain
i want you
to see me without saying
words which
so often are so not enough
and so much work

i really live a quiet life
and i have so much trouble telling
you what you need to know
i think i think
i can provide the map 
without the key
and leave you guessing
pointing to all my x's and tracing
them to me

oh, if only then you would

but such thinking
hasn't helped me
now i'm wondering
if i'm just floating
off at sea

--- 

Thursday, November 9, 2017

I Know How You Feel

--- 

i know how
the ant lives
to feel powerless
and small
some days, 
and others
lift a thousand
times my weight

and have others watching
and wondering if they wonder
why i am not always strong

---

Monday, November 6, 2017

Mid-day Reverie

--- 

i'm chasing down a reverie
something like 
a memory of
who i was
when i was younger and knew
who i was

---

Friday, October 20, 2017

First Dates


*** 

she the sapling bent against his trunk
under the orange nightlights
and stars that are there
whether or not
he can see them

***

Sunday, October 15, 2017

Turtles All the Way Down


***

you were the turtle on my back
and i carried you willingly
it was my purpose, after all
but now i wonder
who carried me 
all that time i had
your world on my shoulders
and nothing firm
beneath my feet

***

Friday, September 22, 2017

Through the Looking Glass


***

sometimes, when i'm at
parties i feel i'm peering through
a kaleidoscope
all colors and neon and shifting
shapes but i 
always know i'm looking into
that world, 
i am not 
a part of 
it

***

Wednesday, September 20, 2017

Attention to Detail




The leaves aren't changing, he said
while looking at the trees
and not the bed of reds, browns and oranges
at his feet


Making Shapes Out of Clouds



Painting meaning in the sky
Never pondered asking why
No better ways to pass the time
Just getting on to get on by

Now I'm full of needless why's


Perhaps it's the elevation
The perspective of progress
Looking down is not looking up.

And I can hear the wind chimes turning
Across these miles and miles of earth
Feel that hourglass yearning
All things beautiful and short
and Vermont soil soft on my feet
you don't get to an outlook
without climbing uphill.

Making This Harder on Myself


for once
i cannot write
to make me understand
the feeling i felt
when i saw this photo of you
when we were young

and still so full.

Sunday, September 10, 2017

New Mexico Sweat Dreams


-- 

I've got to be honest
You happened on me
Like the Rio Grande
A sudden chasm
At my feet
And I threw a Redbull
Over the edge
(It did not have wings)
Watched the cloudless sky
Felt it wet on my cheek
Nobody outruns the rain
But I tried anyway.

After it fell 
The curtain raised on the cliffs
Gone with their weight
Gone was the mist

--

Tuesday, August 1, 2017

Juneau What I'm Talking About


There is something I have been meaning
to tell you (myself)
that is best left said in silhouettes of sentences
more the shadow of the thing
than its substance
blurred lines I’m trying to impart
like squinting because you lost your glasses
or never had them
I’m losing the train of thought
for another plane
that leads to Juneau
oh sweet Juneau
you whispered enough from the window
to make it clear
that yours is a hidden city
across ridged tree-lines and humpbacked isles
passing terra and oceania
on a sunny day they are one and the same
and suddenly beneath me
man, carved into the island bone like
remoras clinging to rays
why must most beautiful things
be hidden?


Tuesday, February 7, 2017

Requiem Song

---

selfishly, i've allowed
the loss of you to become
the loss of me
in a dozen half-filled glasses of water
left untouched by the window sill
and receipts strewn across the floor
reminders still
of debts later to be paid
pillars to
my deficit of self-care

selfishly, i've allowed
the grieving of you to become
the grieving of losing me
all the alternative facts i offered
for why i write
(how many times i said
i wrote to remind myself
of who i was)

i've written so much
and remember so little

----